I never asked you to find me pretty


This is a very personal blog. It is on sexual harassment and assault against girls and women. I am aware that men too are sexually harassed and assaulted, however this blog is not addressing that issue.

Visit the White Ribbon Foundation today, and learn how you can take personal steps to end harassment and violence against women. http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/

Jess xxxx

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘Oh, Sarah
I didn’t mean to let you down,
But you left me on my own Sarah,
Why didn’t you scream?
Why didn’t you shout?’

Kate Miller Heidke, Sarah.

bus stop

It was cold. I wrapped my cardigan around my size six shoulders. I could feel the bones in my bottom bruising against the train station bench. There was no one around, it was late. The trains were still running, but the passengers were fewer and I desperately willed my lift to hurry. And then suddenly I wasn’t alone anymore.

He was in his mid thirties, wearing a leather jacket. He was of Albanian appearance, dark hair with tight curls grazing his shoulders. He was thickset. His voice was gravelly. This is what I would tell the security guards. It was still a year before the Police Transport Officers would begin their duties.

He came closer. I shivered, and tried to tell myself it was because I was cold.

And then he was too close.

“I am going to fuck you up the arse so fucking hard. The things I am going to fucking do to you, you little bitch”

My eyes darted around. There were no passengers, no train, no police officers.

I was desperately, hopelessly alone.

I spotted a road.

And I ran.

And I prayed that a Sedan would reach me before the monster did.

……………………………………………………………
me

I am attractive. I stop traffic. I make jaws drop and heads turn. I could justify things, yell with exasperation that I believe I am ugly, unworthy. But I don’t believe that. We live in a society which embraces self hatred, and admonishes self confidence. I have no time for that society. You may comment, tell me I am not beautiful, or whatever else you choose.

But this blog is about honesty. I do not believe I am more attractive than anyone else, but I do know that I am beautiful, and I will not apologise for holding this opinion of myself.  Is it relevant? I don’t even know. I just know that you will blame me for it all the same.

When I was thirteen, I began to realize that something was amiss. I was gangly, all limbs and no breast. I was blonde, blue eyed, and hopelessly naive. Boys were beginning to take note of me. They would whistle, wink, make sleazy comments and their smiles would meet their groins. I was much too shy to even acknowledge their advances, let alone understand them. But one day I began to realize just what it was that felt so wrong.

It wasn’t boys who were looking at me.

It was men.

And from that day of realization, I became a little less naive, and a little more wary.

back

I remember the day of my fourteenth birthday. I had opened my gifts with my Mum, Dad and two brothers. It was a house of men, with Mum and I left to embrace football and toilet humor, a case of sink or swim. My Nan had given me forty dollars, and there was a new piano book I wished to purchase. I placed on my new pinafore, tights and cardigan, and was proud of my new ensemble.

As I finished with my purchase, I agreed to meet Mum at the tattlotto agent next door.

I was mere metres away. I could see her. But He saw me first. He looked me up and down, in my sweet little pinafore. He was in his sixties, and his moustache moved as he smacked his lips together.

That’s a nice, tight little arse isn’t it.

And suddenly I didn’t like my Pinafore anymore.

There was the time I was fifteen years old, wearing a pullover and leggings. I stood in line waiting to buy some chips and gravy. There was a man behind me, dressed in his suit and tie. It was lunch time. He stepped closer behind me in line. I assumed it must have been busy, he was polite, making room.

And then his fingers began to stroke my buttocks.

I didn’t want my chips and gravy anymore.

naiive

I was sixteen, he was my healthcare professional. I could count them on both hands and feet, all trying to desperately save my life. I kissed Mummy goodbye, and told her I would see her in an hour, as per our usual allocated time. I would talk, he would listen. A holistic approach to healthcare.

Take your clothes off. I need to weigh you.

I never had to take my clothes off, and he never had to weigh me.

I was seventeen and jaded.

stuffed toy

He was the first to fill my tummy with butterflies, and make my heart do somersaults. We would kiss, we would touch, he gave me a bear. He made me feel beautiful, and he made me feel special. He was 22, I was 17. But I was mature, I was clever. I wasn’t like other girls.
Then one night Mummy sat me down with pain on her face, and tears in her heart. She told me he had been charged with doing bad things. Bad things to young girls. Girls much, much younger than me.

I remembered us kissing. The stuffed toy he had given me.  And I vomited.

cheering

I was 18, and out on my first night nightclubbing. I was painfully shy, and smiled quietly. A young man introduced himself, and kissed my hand. I blushed. And then he smacked me on the backside, and high fived all the men in the pub.

I smiled even more quietly after that.

I was 19 and driving my younger brother on his first night out, with his best mate. We stopped at McDonalds, and while I waited for our drive thru order, they went inside to the toilets. I spotted a man outside my window. I lunged for the lock on my car door, just as he lunged to jump into my backseat. He started screaming, bashing the window.

‘Let me in you fucking bitch. What the fuck is wrong with you, who the fuck do you think I am.’

And I prayed my brother would come back before he smashed the window.

jill

I was 20, and I was on a tram. Every now and then a tear would slip down my cheek. At every tram stop there were photos of missing woman Jill Meagher. Her raped and murdered body would not be found for a few more days, but the state instinctively knew that she would not be returning home. And the women instinctively knew that we were not as safe as we once thought.

I was standing on the tram, thinking sadly about this poor young woman when two men got on the tram. They were in their forties, six foot tall and drowning in heroin. The moment they stepped on the tram, I knew what was coming.

‘Holy fuckkkkk. Look at her! Fucking hell the things I would do to her!

The tram was filled with men. Men in suits, men in casual clothes, men in trade uniforms. The men’s descriptions of what they would ‘do’ to me echoed throughout the carriage way.

And not one a single man stood up. Not a single man said ‘Leave the lady alone’. Not a single man offered to help me.

Not. One.

And every man on that tram left me to listen to the fantasies of these men for fifteen minutes. I didn’t dare leave the tram before them, terrified they would follow. And I was acutely aware that not one man on that tram was going to help me.

petrol station

A few months ago I drove home late one night, and filled my car with petrol. Suddenly a car swerved onto the path next to me. A man jumped out, and I realised at once what was going to happen. At the moment he tried to grab me, I kicked off my shoes and sprinted into the service station. Tears welled in my eyes, and my voice shook. I ran to the man serving, and blubbered There’s a man outside. A man, a strange man, he is harassing me.’.

Did he offer to escort me to my car?

Did he ask if I was okay?

Did he force the man to leave?

He looked me up and down and said ‘Well, you’re pretty. You’re going to cop that’.

And that was it.

I have never been raped. I have never been molested. I have never been sexually assaulted. I have countless female friends who have confided to me that unlike me, they have endured the depths of despair at the hands of a man. No, I have not suffered like them.

But every single day I am sexually harassed, threatened or made to feel incredibly uncomfortable about my appearance and sexuality.

This is not a feminist rant, an assault on all those with male genitalia, a list of the shortcomings of the male sex. I live with my Dad and young adult brothers. I am the girl who has more male friends than female. I know so, so many men who would go to the edge of the earth to protect a woman, even if it placed him in danger, nor would they ever sexually harass a woman in any way or form.

But the reality is, many men simply will not. I am sexually harassed in public on a daily to weekly basis. And never in all these years has a man intervened, asked a man to display some respect, or simply told them to tone things down.

We condone and encourage a culture of sexual harassment. Wolf whistling, cat calling, beeping from a car, commenting inappropriately to a woman, a tap on the arse. We live in a society which holds true the belief that it is a man’s right to appreciate a woman in any way he pleases.

slut walk

When a woman is raped, it is her fault. Our society asks her how much makeup she was wearing, did she flirt with him, how long was the hem on her skirt?

If you do not appreciate a catcall, a slap on the arse, being told how they would ‘love to fuck you’  you are a feminist, a ‘dyke’, a ‘highly strung bitch’, a ‘cocktease’. You wore too much makeup, shouldn’t have worn high heels, that’s what to expect for having large breasts or a small waist.

I am almost 21. Yesterday I was shopping for a get well card for a friend. Two men in their forties wound down their window. They spotted me, nudged one another excitedly, and it began. They beeped their horn over and over, whistled, stuck their ruddy faces out the window and spat sexual innuendos across the carpark to me.

And then they parked, and I saw one of their 8 year old daughters get out of the backseat of the car.

I wanted to tell her I was sorry.

I wanted to tell her it wasn’t okay.

I wanted to tell her that this wasn’t normal.

I wanted to tell her that when she reached my age, she had a right not to endure what I just had.

Most of all, I wanted to tell her that one day, this will be her.

And I wanted her to know that I never asked for him to find me pretty.

60 thoughts on “I never asked you to find me pretty

  1. I was 10. It was my grandfather.
    I was 11. It was the 30 year old man that worked with my father. They said if I were “old enough to bleed, you’re old enough to fuck”.
    I was 13. The husband of my mother’s best friend with his wondering hands. His obsession with my perfect lips “the most exquisite cupid’s bow. The softest skin”.
    I was 14. My ‘best’ male friend. Wandering hands. His mother also one of my mother’s best friends – a mother figure to her. Who can break her heart?

    I have been. Molested. Not raped. Found beautiful by people that made me shudder to learn of it.

    Am not beautiful anymore.
    This post is amazing.

    • I am so, so desperately sorry that you had to endure such horrors. I know from loved ones that you continue to suffer long after their hands have hurt you.

      You are beautiful in your strength, your wisdom, your courage.

      Don’t ever let anyone make you feel anything less than completely precious ❤ xxx

  2. This is so powerful. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for all you have endured – and that no, it’s not okay. And that you ARE beautiful, and you should never have to apologise for your beauty, or for being honest about it! xx

  3. It is amazing just how often this occurs and every time it does happen it saddens me. We are abused for being women, for being pretty, for having boobs… How ridiculous.

    Growing up i used to resent having boobs and a pretty face for this very reason. What a great post! X

  4. First time commenter, but I’ve been reading a while. I’m sorry this has happened to you – these incidents sound very scary. I’m sad to say that I think all women have experienced some type of looks-based harassment in their lives. Personally, I don’t think attractiveness makes it more likely, though I do think that it changes the language they use. If you were not conventionally attractive (as a slim, blonde, blue-eyed woman you are close to the “beauty ideal” that we’re all sold as perfect), they’d be yelling or saying different things about how they’d never fuck you or that you’re a fat cow etc etc. I think this behaviour is about power, in the same way that rape is about power, not about sex. It is about never letting you forget what your purpose is – to look pretty for men. It paints you as an object and undermines whatever other achievements you have made and boils you down to one thing: your appearance. None of this behaviour is acceptable and I wish none of us were subjected to it. Women’s bodies are scrutinised and critiqued constantly in our society; they are objectified and consumed. Society feels a sense of ownership over women’s bodies that does not exist when it comes to men’s – just one example, think about the best and worst bikini body issues in magazines (yes, there’ll always be one token man). Some men will take away from these messages that it is their right to scrutinise your body; that the fact that you are a woman gives them license to treat you as an object and do what they like. They are there to remind you that they are in power.

  5. Very powerful. I get you, have experienced similar to many of the situations you described. It’s threatening, scary and wrong.

    I will share this in the hope that it rings a bell with some man somewhere, who may have been even unwillingly implicit in making you or I fear. I will share this in the hope that other women who have lived in fear will recognise that they’re not alone. I will share this so that my teenaged sons can read it and understand how one of their female friends might be going through. But most of all I will share this because I don’t think enough people out there understand what it’s often like to be a woman in this day and age.

    If I had ever been on that train with you, or on that street, or at that petrol station I would have supported you. I hope all people reading your brave post will take that away and vow to do the same when they come across this sort of thing. It happens every day and every night in every town, city, village and public place in Australia.

    It’s wrong. It’s intimidation and bullying and it must stop.

    I am so fucking proud of you for putting this out there.

    • I am lost for words at the beauty of your comment. I was very frightened last night at the response I would receive.

      There are so, so many women who live in fear. I believe every woman lives in some degree of fear, some more than others. I think my exposure at such a young age has made me more fearful, and it’s something I hate.

      I am so proud of you for knowing that you would do something to support another women ❤ ❤ So, SO much love to you xxx

      • There’s no possible way for me to spend a week with an attractive woman, as they always ensure that guys like me (who are not traditionally handsome and not socially powerful) are totally and thoroughly excluded from their lives and their cliques.

        For all the complaints against the assholish type of men who degrade, insult, humiliate, dominate, etc women, it seems to be these types of men who the same women routinely have sex with and hang out with.

      • I think it’s unfortunate you hold that opinion of women who are attractive, and stereotype each of them. I have many very attractive friends, who are friends with men of all types and walks of life, and who date them too. Absolutely some women are attracted to these ‘tools’ but it is not a case of always.

      • Women are subconsciously attracted to abusive, domineering, socially powrful, alpha-male tools. Some women subconsciously suppress that attraction because they’re ashamed of it, but it still exists.

        The same applies to mens’ desire for attractive women. It’s subconscious. Some men will express that desire openly, others will suppress it consciously. But whether it’s expressed or suppressed, it’s still there and we can’t get rid of it.

      • This is actually the most ridiculous and misogynistic thing that I have ever heard. I am actually shaking my head in disbelief that in this day and age, such ideas can still be held by a man. You clearly have some very deep and not remotely subconscious issues surrounding women, and I suspect a generalised hatred for them. Take your misogyny elsewhere; you are certainly not welcome here. And you wonder why ‘attractive women don’t want to spend time with you’. The answer is within yourself.

      • That’s fine. Let all the attractive women date tall, popular, socially powerful, prestigious jerks who get life handed to them on a silver platter.

        Your looks might be attractive but your hearts and souls are disgusting and repulsive to me.

  6. I made this account just so I could comment on this blog.
    I’m 15. It was a couple of months ago. I felt amazing; probably the first time ever. I had a brand new outfit with a sparkly necklace and shiny shoes. She was very drunk and homeless. And I was failing at using the parking ticket machine. She was with her friends; both males. “Ohh, look. It’s a fuckin dirtyyyy slutttt. I’m going to bash. That’ll teach her”, she yelled at her friends like they were hearing impaired. They weren’t; they heard what she said and laughed along. I ran. I ran to my mum’s car, closed the door, locked it and cried. She jumped on the window and said, “You’re a fucking dirty slut”, while waving her middle finger at me. It was the first time I’ve ever been verbally assaulted. And it was by someone from my own gender.
    Thank you for having the guts to make this blog, Jess. It really helped me to know that I’m not alone.
    x Hannah (aka Neon).

    • Sweetheart, I am so, so sorry this happened to you. I too have experienced this from my own gender, and it is utterly terrifying.

      You are brave, you are courageous, and know that I would do anything to protect you.

      So much love xxx

  7. Pingback: A very powerful and personal blog post by Jess. « Sparkly Tiara

    • I think it’s unfortunate that, because of your personal experiences, you feel justified in generalising and stereotyping women as being attracted to such negative characteristics in men. We just want respect. Some women may be attracted to things like confidence and ambition in a person, but do not ever be so rude and ignorant as to say that women subconsciously enjoy being preyed upon because they like being ‘humiliated and insulted’.

      The whole point of Jess’ post is that this sort of attention and these actions are unwelcome, and in no circumstance, for whatever subconscious reason, is it ok, no matter how rare the occasion might seem to you.

      Assuming that you exhibit none of these ‘assholish’ attributes, then it stands to reason you would not associate with the sort of people who do. And when these things happen, it is because a man targets a vulnerable woman, when he knows that there is no one else of decency around to do anything about it.

      • “Confidence and ambition?”

        So I guess I don’t qualify as confident or ambitious because I worked my way up into a fairly well paid job without even finishing high-school or having a university degree and coming from a poor family.

        But some rich jerk who’s a wealthy doctor and has high social status must be more “confident and ambitious” than me, because he gets to have threesome every other week with college girls who are more than happy to share him with his long-term partner. (See: montrealthreesomes.com).

        Apparently women would rather share a high-status man with other women than have a low-status man all to themselves.

        Because it’s all about “respect” right?

        I guess respect is whatever women choose it to mean at any given instant.

      • I absolutely agree with you that it’s totally wrong, under ANY circumstances, even if the woman asks for it, to ever give women the sort of attention that Jess’ post refers to.

        The only major thing we disagree about here is our view of what women want.

    • You know, Jonathan – I don’t think it’s your appearance that is making the girls shy away from you. I think your opinion of women is disgusting and it shows through whatever veneer you are trying to put up to hide it. They are smart to stay away, clearly.

  8. To Jonathonconway-
    I agree, your personality is disgusting. And you are grossly misinformed when ti comes to who women like to date. Sure there are some who only go for the ‘good looking’ and ‘rich’ sort of men. Just as there are men who only go for the stereotypical ‘beautiful’ women – it goes both ways, in fact, men do it more IMO. But you will find most women go for someone who is a decent person. Look around you – get out of your house. It sounds like your ‘reality’ mostly consists of media images and you need to get out into real life – where you will see that the couples all around you come in all shapes, sizes, and looks.
    Because in the end, personality is what is most important.
    I would not date you if you were the richest, smartest and most good looking man on the planet because of your personality and the disgusting drivel you have spewed out here.

    • Fiona, you and other women wouldn’t date me because I’m 5’8 in height, don’t have high social status and am not willing to spend half my paycheck in exchange for “love”.

      Sorry to burst your bubble but “free love” never happened. Men and women are the same as they were 2000 years ago. Men give up money for sex and women give up sex for money. If that’s just a sexist delusion, then explain why there’s such a high ratio of female prostitutes to male prostitutes.

      The only way for a man to get sex “for free” is by being born tall and having excellent social skills, as a result of positive childhood experiences.

      Now I totally agree with the author of this blog post that men shouldn’t act violently, aggressively or lewdly toward women. It’s wrong to cat-call, whistle, jeer, etc at a woman.

      I would go a step further: men should quit the dating scene altogether and pay for sex instead. It would be cheaper, less strings attached and give men the power, instead of women, in deciding who gets to have sex and who doesn’t.

      • I no longer wonder why you’ve never had an ‘attractive’ girl to spend time with. Again, you are drawing on your own, unfortunate experiences (though the way you are replying makes me think that you bring it upon yourself) without considering the fact that your experiences are not the microcosm of the norm. Not all women go for the high earning doctor or engage in adultery.

        You may be confident and ambitious; congratulations on your achievements. But you’re also rude, self righteous and seemingly bitter; so I am not surprised in the slightest that you haven’t had much luck with women. It has nothing to do with your apparent belief that you don’t fit the traditional concept of handsome, it’s because you’re a jerk.

        You are not entitled to a decent relationship simply because you’re successful.

        Your views also suggest that it’s not love you’re looking for, but someone to have sex with you for free. Dating is about getting to know someone who you can grow to love, and sex should be something both parties want, when they’re comfortable with it because they’ve developed a relationship and love each other.

        And, considering you are not a woman, do not presume to tell me what women want.

      • Of course not all women go for the tall popular alpha-male. Just an overwhelming majority do.

        Women do love jerks, especially early on in life. But they only love jerks who are tall and popular, which explains why I get rejected despite being a jerk.

        When you say it’s not love I’m looking for, why should it be?

        It’s true that women like getting love and respect and companionship and all that mushy stuff. They just don’t get turned on by that.

        Women (straight women that is) get turned on by a man’s power, which is conveyed by tallness and social popularity.

        It might be hard for you to believe, but i wasn’t always like this. At one point I really did believe in finding “true love”, connecting with women on a deep, emotional level, being the “nice guy”, etc.

        I kind of gave up on that when I realized that women don’t take men who act like that seriously enough to have sex with.

      • You are obvioulsy not mixing with the right women.
        But yes, I do believe that men should give up on dating women and pay for sex instead, if they are that way inclined, because it would take most of the jerks right out of the pool and make it easier for women who are serious to find someone genuine.
        Ever stopped to think.. maybe the problem isn’t women? Maybe it’s YOU.
        There are seriously a lot of ugly men, too tall men, too short men and so on out there who are loved and partnered up. Ditto men who don’t have two cents to rub together.
        So yes, maybe it IS you.

      • There is also a big difference to those who are just in it for sex, and those who are in it for genuine partnership. Those in it for genuine reasons aren’t going to be happy being taken advantage of by a shallow jerk who just wants free sex. If that’s what you want, go pay for it. You are NOT entitled to anything from a woman. If you want something, you have to put in just as much as you want to get out of it.

      • Why are you putting words in my mouth? I never claimed I was “entitled” to anything.

        Women can do whatever they want. I’m not trying to force anyone to do anything.

        I’m just trying to come up with a theory of what women desire (sexually) that fits reality, and I think my theory comes closest.

        By the way, you contrast “those in it for sex” with “those in it for genuine partnership”.

        Please explain in what way sex isn’t “genuine”.

        Please explain what makes a sexless partnership “genuine”.

      • If you don’t get the difference between just taking sex, and an emotional, complete relationship, I can’t make you understand.
        You are ACTING entitled, as well as your words painting a pretty detestable picture of someone who is bitter with the world because he can’t get it on with the ladies.

      • Well I’m sorry for not getting out of bed every morning jumping for joy.

        And I’m acting entitled am I? What about those confident popular alpha males who aggressively initiate bodily contact with their female targets at the pub after a few drinks?

        They’re not acting entitled I suppose. But I am?

        Yes I know the difference between sex and a full relationship. The difference is that the latter is a more time-consuming, expensive and pointless way of getting the same thing.

  9. And I fully admit that the problem is me. Specifically; my lack of height and my lack of social popularity.

    My internal attitude doesn’t change the reality of the physical world. Just because I feel great about women and have so much love to give and blah blah blah… does NOT mean that a woman is going to be attracted to me.

    • love, is not sex. The way you talk about women I highly doubt you really ‘get’ what love actually is. It’s NOT, I repeat, sex.
      And seriously, those alpha males, if their target doesn’t want to reprocate? they move on. I call you entitled because you are so butt hurt that anyone might turn you down.
      Also, many women WANT a relationship. So if they turn you down, it’s because they don’t WANT just sex. And that is their right. Women don’t exist to serve you. To serve any man.
      You are painting a picture of yourself that makes you sound like the ugliest creature in existence and I highly doubt that is true. Really do have a good look and realise that most people ARE flawed. NOBODY is perfect. Nobody has it all. Take the filter off your eyes.
      If anything is ugly that is turning women off, it’s your personality.

    • No, really, it’s because you’re just a jerk. It has nothing to do with your height, stop blaming your ineptitude with women on what you perceive as an unattractive physical attribute.

      I’m a straight woman, in a perfectly happy ‘mushy’ relationship as you call it, and my partner may not be tall, or rich, but I still love him. Because he’s not an assuming, disrespectful asshole.

  10. My last partner was short, fat, and yes, actually pretty ugly. He had a criminal record, and depression, and he couldn’t keep a job to save his life. He had a lot of problems. And I loved him. Because for all of that, he was a good person, who just went off on the wrong path. But was genuinely trying to change his ways and was loving, respected me etc.
    I don’t need to know what you look like (I don’t) or your social standing (I dont’ know that either) to know you are an a-hole and that I have no interest in you at all.
    In fact, it’s a waste of time to even continue this exchange with you. So I won’t be.

  11. No. Convenient is paying someone to have sex with you when you can’t find someone who’ll love you enough to do it willingly, because you’re a jerk with no redeemable qualities apart from a not unpleasing appearance, which goes to waste when you open your mouth and spout nonsense like this.

    • You hate men for finding you attractive. You equate creeps, perverts, molesters and potential rapists with single men who just want to meet someone new to share their lives with.

      You seem to have no guilt about shaming INNOCENT men for their natural desires, just because some GUILTY men act inconsiderately.

      You blame people like me for not having enough confidence, having a bad attitude, etc., when the plain fact is that we are excluded because of social hierarchies which women DELIBERATELY nurture and enforce.

      And those social hierarchies tend to place ass-holes and jerks at the top – the very men who you claim to despise!

      • Again with the presumptions. I’m not stupid or resentful enough to generalise all men as monsters, like you’ve been generalising and stereotyping women. I know that there are decent men; I’m friends with several of them.

        What I have said is that YOU, as an individual, are an absolute asshole, and you’re hardly innocent or a victim of ‘social hierarchies’. I don’t see the point in continuing this discussion further as you are clearly placing your own misconceptions and inaccurate opinions on what women like me think.

      • Are you friends with those men because they’re decent, or are they decent (according to you) because you’re friends with them?

        Are you really sure you chose to be friends with them because they were good people, and not because they had social power, popularity, prestige, etc?

      • Oh for the love of all things! I think it’s a counsellor or therapist you should be seeking, rather than a relationship.
        Most people actually choose to be friends with others because they like their personalities, and most of the time don’t know much about their background or social status until the friendship has already started.
        Most people are not as shallow as you are.

      • Most *people* aren’t that shallow, but most *women* are. And it’s understandable. Women are more desired and more worshiped and respected in our culture than men. Women are put on a pedestal. Men are worth nothing. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, simply observe the amount of attention women get when they walk into some public venue as opposed to men. Observe how *more* much attention an ugly man gets when he walks into a bar with an attractive woman than a good looking man gets when he walks into a bar alone.

      • That is so untrue! And so ignorant! Look around you, read a newspaper, learn the history of the people in all countries in this world, men dominate. Men are powerful. Men get paid more, can do what they want, in some countries can even RAPE women and get away with it, can hit their wives, etc etc etc. And most women are *not* all shallow, not any more than most *men* are. It’s YOU who are shallow. Stop assuming that everyone thinks the way you do. The way you think is sick and all kinds of screwed up. Sociopathic, whiney, bitter and butthurt. This is the end of our conversation and I think you should go away and stop spewing out your insane drivel on someone else’s blog.

      • “Men dominate”

        A tiny number of elite men dominate all men and women. Those men have their female favorites who often manipulate them and gain as much power as they do.

        Women are often sexually attracted to these types of men. Many women in Germany were attracted to Hitler’s power.

        “Men get paid more”

        Men also pay more in taxes, work in more difficult/dangerous jobs and are forced to support children they didn’t choose to have or pay outrageous sums to women who divorce them.

        80% of consumption spending is done by women.

        “In some countries, can even rape women”

        A tiny number of savages who have all the weapons in countries without a proper government and legal system. Most men wouldn’t DREAM of raping a woman, in fact rape fantasies are more common among women than men.

        “can hit their wives”

        Most domestic abuse victims are men. And if that wasn’t bad enough, women also use cutting words and emotional manipulation to ruin mens’ self-esteem, and thus, enjoyment of life, sometimes permanently.

        “Stop assuming that everyone thinks the way you do”

        I don’t care about prestige or social power or popularity for its own sake. The only things I care about a woman are that A) she looks somewhat attractive, which almost any woman can do with a bit of exercise and a decent diet, and B) she likes to have real genuine conversations.

        The owner of this blog is more than welcome to destroy my comments, and I’m sorry that I caused so much “pollution”, but there are very few forums that I know of, where I can discuss this kind of thing and get any attention from anyone.

  12. Get your facts straight. Your beliefs are not more true than world-wide, carefully researched and accepted statistics.

    Women’s violence towards men is a serious social problem.[29] While much attention has been focused on domestic violence against women, researchers argue that domestic violence against men is a substantial social problem worthy of attention.[4] However, the issue of victimization of men by women has been contentious, due in part to studies which report drastically different statistics regarding domestic violence.
    Some studies—typically crime studies—show that men are substantially more likely than women to use violence.[30] According to a July 2000 Centers for Disease Control (CDC) report, data from the Bureau of Justice, National Crime Victimization Survey consistently show that women are at significantly greater risk of intimate partner violence than are men. Other studies—typically family and domestic violence studies—show that men are more likely to inflict injuries, but also that when all acts of physical aggression or violence are considered in aggregate, women are equally violent as men,[31] or more violent than men.[32][33][34][35]
    In May, 2007, researchers with the Centers for Disease Control reported on rates of self-reported violence among intimate partners using data from a 2001 study. In the study, almost one-quarter of participants reported some violence in their relationships. Half of these involved one-sided (“non-reciprocal”) attacks and half involved both assaults and counter assaults (“reciprocal violence”). Women reported committing one-sided attacks more than twice as often as men (70% versus 29%). In all cases of intimate partner violence, women were more likely to be injured than men, but 25% of men in relationships with two-sided violence reported injury compared to 20% of women reporting injury in relationships with one-sided violence. Women were more likely to be injured in non-reciprocal violence.[citation needed]
    Straus argues that these discrepancies between the two data sets are due to several factors. For example, Straus notes that crime studies use different methodologies than family conflict studies.[36] Additionally, Straus notes that most studies show that while men inflict the greater portion of injuries, women are at least as likely as men to shove, punch, slap or otherwise physically assault their partner, and that such relatively minor assaults often escalate to more serious assaults. Men generally do not report such assaults if asked general questions about violence or abuse; older studies frequently failed to ask about specific actions, thus falling afoul of quite different cultural gender norms for what constitutes abuse. Minor assaults perpetrated by women are also a major problem, even when they do not result in injury, because they put women in danger of much more severe retaliation by men.
    The 2000 CDC report, based on phone interviews with 8000 men and 8000 women, reported that 7.5% of men claim to have been raped or assaulted by an intimate at some time in their life (compared to 25% of women), and 0.9 percent of men claim to have been raped or assaulted in the previous 12 months (compared to 1.5% of women).[30]
    A 2007-2008 online non-random, self-report survey of the experiences and health of men who sustained partner violence in the past year. The study showed that male victims of IPV are very hesitant to report the violence or seek help. Reasons given for non-reporting were they (1) may be ashamed to come forward; (2) may not be believed; and (3) may be accused of being a batterer when they do come forward. The 229 U.S. heterosexual men, between 18 and 59, had been physically assaulted by their female partner within previous year and did seek help. The researchers say their findings emphasize the need for prevention on all levels:
    Primary prevention: Educate public and providers that both sexes can be IPV victims
    Secondary prevention: First responders (police, hotlines, medical professionals) should take concerns seriously from all individuals (including males) seeking help
    Tertiary prevention: Rehabilitative services available to all individuals[37]
    [edit]Against children
    Main articles: Child abuse, Child protection, and Child sexual abuse
    The U. S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that for each year between 2000 and 2005, “female parents acting alone” were most common perpetrators of child abuse.[38]
    When it comes to domestic violence towards children involving physical abuse, research in the UK by the NSPCC indicated that “most violence occurred at home” (78 per cent). 40—60% of men and women who abuse other adults also abuse their children.[39] Girls whose fathers batter their mothers are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually abused by their fathers than are girls from non-violent homes.[40]
    In China in 1989, 39,000 baby girls died during their first year of life because they didn’t receive the same medical care that would be given to a male child.[11]
    In Asia alone, about one million children working in the sex trade are held in slavery-like conditions.[11]

  13. To sum up – domestic violence against men IS a serious problem but it is NOT more widespread than that against women, and domestic violence against women is NOT restricted to small areas of the world’s population.

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