Tonight


 

 

Tonight

“I did love you

I know, but I still love you

So love me

But I miss you

So miss me

Send me some love and light everytime you think of me. Miss me.

And then let it go”

Eat, Pray, Love

 

Tonight, we will whisper into the stars.

 I will whisper with my rose petal lips, the sleek droplets nestling in the tremble.  You will whisper back, while you lounge in the stars. We are angel wings apart. And yet you are so close. Can you see me? I will ask. I think you can. I can see you. Your legs are folded lazily, your locks a waterfall around that face of yours. Tonight, our eyes ache. You want to come home. But your home is in the clouds now. We don’t really understand, not yet. The pieces are yet to create a picture. Muddy tears still mark the page. One day it will clear, this we are sure of. Just not today. Tonight, we will whisper our sobs.

Tonight,I will ask you to paint peace for me

I will close my lashes, and you will breathe the prettiness behind my tucked strands. You will tell me everything. The butterflies dance Jess, you will say. And I will smile, and stroke the butterflies in my bedroom with my lazy fingers. You will be wearing the prettiest of dresses. It will be soft as web, and you will twirl. Your wispy legs will shine. Look at them, you will shriek. You will be so proud to be whole once more. I will let the breeze carry your dress and the colours will match my smile. It looked better on me, your pearly whites will tease. No one was ever quite as pretty as you. Tonight, you will draw the prettiest of pictures.

Tonight, you will ask me. Tell the truth, you will say. Does it hurt?

Every second, my eyes will flutter. I will tell you how it aches when your name slips past their lips. I will tell you how every sunrise is one further away from you. And you will cry. I will ask you not to miss here.  Please stop crying, I will beg. I don’t want you to hurt anymore. I will try, you will croak. Tonight, you will ask, and I will tell the truth.

Tonight, you will sing to me.

Your voice will carry me past the blood pooling in my mouth, and the tears pooling in my heart. Your voice will take us to lazy days on the beach, and we will drink iced coffees until our bellies ache. Our hands will link as we thread petals and plant a garden of kisses. You will sing wings upon me, and we will soar together. We will find our middle ground, somewhere between the stars and the daisies speckling on the green blades. We will meet halfway. Tonight, you will sing to me. And I will listen.

Tonight, you will ask if I can hear you.

Always, my head will nod. I just have to listen. Your voice is as soft as fairy kisses now. But if I listen, you are deafening. You send me songs over the radio, and the flutter of butterflies wings. I hear you in the rain, and in the swish of the sunshine. I hear your kisses while I smile good morning. I watch the twinkle of the fairy lights, and hear how alive you are. Tonight, I can hear you.

 Tonight, I ask you if it’s going to be ok.

I don’t know, you admit. But it has to be. It is not today, or tomorrow. Nor next week or year. But one day, we will shudder. And discover that peace is holding us in his arms. Is that when you stop coming to visit?  And then I will change the subject, let the question lay limp in the breeze. Because I don’t really want to know. And I don’t think you are ready to answer. Tonight, it’s not going to be ok. Not just yet.

Tonight, I ask if you will wait for me.

And you will not answer. Instead you will pat the cloud next to you. Will we recognise one another? You will follow my laugh, and I will search for your smile. We will be a perfect match. Our scars will be faded, and we will stroke the petals on our wings. We will talk into forever, knowing that the world can hurt us no more. We will swim in the moonlight and rock to sleep in the clouds. Tonight, you will wait.

But I can’t come to you, not just yet.

So tonight, we will whisper, weep, love and laugh. Tonight, we will open our hearts to the blinking of the stars. Tonight, I send you love and light. So I will miss you. And you will miss me.

And that’s ok. And now, we will let it go.

Tonight, we will.                   

 

 

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