Why we don’t travel as a family


 

Today Mum brought a new, smaller car. Although we are a family of 5, including Jake the 6 foot 4 giant, we never travel in the same car when going places. People think this is strange. This is a typical car trip as a family;

*Everyone piles in car*

Dad; “Hurry up, come on, we are running late”

Me; “We don’t have to be there for another 50 minutes”

Dad; “The traffic might be heavy”

Me; “How is that even possible? Our town is famous for gold panning”

Jake; “We need to get a bigger car” *Neck sits at 90 degree angle*

Mum; “Ben, stop playing with the torch and put your seatbelt on”

Ben; *Hits Jake on head with torch*

Jake; “What the fuck Ben!!!”

Ben; “Mummmmmm! Jake is swearing! Mummmmmm!”

Me; “Ben, shut up”

Dad; “Jesus Christ, everyone just get in the bloody car”

20 metres up the road

Ben; “I need to go to the toilet”

Dad; “No wonder I drink”

Jess; “So today I was talking to Shelly”

Ben; “Is Shelly your girlfriend?”

Me; “Ben, I am not gay”

Mum; “You know Jess, we are a gay friendly home. Is there anything you wish to tell us?”

Me; “Why do you think I am gay?!”

Dad; “Well, you don’t have a boyfriend, so it just figures”

Ben; “Jess was naked with Josh”

Jess; “Ben, just go die in a hole”

Mum; “Don’t tell your brother to die in a hole”

Jake; “Hole…bahaha”

Dad; “Speaking of hole Jake, your bedroom is a disgrace”

Jake; “Oh yeah, I found a dead bat in there today.”

Dad; “I do not want to know. Now everyone be quiet please”

*silence for 42 seconds*

Ben; “How do Lesbians have sex?”

Jess; “Ben is covered in battery acid”

Jake; “Was I supposed to bring the platter?”

Dad; “Jesus Christ”

And this is why we don’t travel as a family.

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4 thoughts on “Why we don’t travel as a family

  1. Fucking love it! And sorry about my spammy spam spam. Do not, for the love of God, open anything I send over hotmail. I never use that to send shit…unless it’s porn.

    Cough. cough. Funny story, keep up the AMAZINGLY high quality stories!

  2. Just Luv it and this is so true right down to the end and this is why we don’t travel with you incase we end up with one of you in our car.LOL

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